One of the things that I have always felt about myself is that I am mentally too old for my own good. Ask most of the people close to me and they’d probably agree that I tend to take on more of the “motherly” roles of the group (cue the who’s driving home, did you eat something today, I have to get my laundry done and clean the house before I can do that conversations).
Yes, I pride myself on being responsible. But more and more I’ve found that in order to live in the “now”, responsible = worried. Worried about other things that “need” to get done, instead of being able to enjoy the moment and be a 22 year old. I’ve always envied people my age that could just run around and scream and not care who was watching them. But envy is also an ego-filled emotion. Before, I always used to think that I just never met the right people who allowed me to “be myself”. Au contrair, self – stop blaming other people. Fact is, I just straight up assumed people would look at me funny if I was myself.
People like me more when i’ve had a drink or two. Why? Because i’m more comfortable. Ok, brain, lets put this together, if the you that comes out when you’ve had a glass of wine is the comfortable you, and other people like that you, then you can be that person all the time! Whew.
Life falls together when you are the most important person in your life. Not when your boyfriend or girlfriend is, or your boss, or your parents, or even your kids. This doesn’t equate to being selfish – it equates to being you, the real you, 100% of the time. Life falls together right on the other side of that FEAR (false evidence appearing real).
So, yesterday, when my boyfriend caught me saying “Is anyone looking?” when I was about to take a picture of the food I was there to review for my next post on BuffaloVibe, was probably one of the first times I noticed how big my “Can people see me being me” habit is. Thanks to him, and that horrible dining experience (who’s review will be up shortly) I am happily on my way to sitting comfortably in my own skin. I hope any of you out there that even remotely sympathize, join me!
Ok, if you are one of the millions who made a resolution this New Year, don’t be offended. If you did, good for you! I wish you nothing but the best toward reaching your goals and improving your life and the way you feel about yourself.
For me, they don’t work. First of all, there are too many things I want to do. (If you read my last post, you know this). That’s too much pressure to pick just one of those things to work on, and also too much pressure if I don’t reach it by my self-imposed deadline.
Because I made the decision to remove that pressure, i’ve had one of the best New Years Eve’s and New Year (in all of its four days) than I have in a long time. I had NYE plans, relatively detailed and expensive ones at that. They didn’t work out. And you know what? I didn’t care. Whatever happened was great because of who I was with, not the limo, or the fancy dinner, or being VIP. Coming from the mouth (or should I say fingers) of a serial planner – this is big news.
Of course it’s wise to plan things, but my life is better when the expectations are removed. Expectations I had on the day, on the people i’m interacting with, and even on myself. Alriiight so I lied a bit, I now just expect to feel good – throughout the day. And I do!
To me, creating a New Years Resolution means that there’s something we believe is wrong with us that we need to “fix” in order to feel better. Well, here’s the funny part – when you choose to just love yourself and your life, you’ll start to find ways to work on those things without any pressure.
Happy New Year!
Today, I take a vow to stop pretending that growing up means I have to throw away my dreams. I take a vow to stop being ok with the idea that anyone else controls the outcomes of my life.
Deepak Chopra tweeted today “No matter what the situation is, remind yourself “I have a choice””I believe this is true in any situation, even if the only choice we have is how to feel about it. That is one thing always in our power. Go after what you want – no matter what it is. Most of our problems is that we give so much to other people, we forget about what we want anyways. Today, join me in vowing to at least figure it out.
So what do you want?
Here is my List so far:
In my life, I want extraordinary things. I want to be in a career that I love – that makes me excited to wake up, to start a new day, and help people. I want to be surrounded by people who are positive and always looking to brighten someone else’s day. I want to be paid to be myself.
I want to have friends who all get along and who I can spend a lot of time with. I want a relationship with a soulmate who makes me feel completely alive. I want to feel beautiful wearing zero makeup. I want to go to the gym and see results and feel amazing, getting new bouts of energy as my weight and fitness improves. I want to drive a white bmw with black leather interior and white rims. I will love it. I will always get it washed and keep the inside beautiful. It will be my gift to myself.
I want a great spiritual relationship with the universe. I want to understand the meaning of why I am here, and feel more connected to my truth every day that I am on this earth. I want to be able to speak my truth at all times, being confident in the outcomes because I know that it is what is best for me and what is laid out in my life plan.
I want to travel the world and get paid while I do it. I want to go to Dubai, Malaysia to see my friends, Greece to roam the beach, Brazil to meet belquis, and Italy to drink wine and eat pasta. I will go to Singapore, India to spend time in an ashram, and Africa to spend time with children there. I will go to Rome, Spain, and Amsterdam. I will go back to Paris. I will go on a cruise. I will learn things about the world from the people that live in it – not from what I hear or see on TV.
I want to always feel abundance. I want to kill the feelings of fear I have grown up with of never having enough. There is enough to go around in the world and there is every reason surrounding me that I can enjoy it too. I want so much abundance that I can do nothing more but share it with my family and with those around me.
Lastly, I want to study and learn with others before me, and those I have come across since I have started this growth. Guru Singh, Gabrielle Bernsetin, Deepak Chopra. Each for their own reasons but each people who could teach me something different.
This is all that I want for today – and I will want more tomorrow.